I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
