i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
