My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
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