he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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