He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize