please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
