there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize