I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize