the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
