I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
