Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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