I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize