OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
my shit smells like andre
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize
