i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
