you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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