Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
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