they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
