i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
