take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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