i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
