I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
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