Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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