Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
