Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
