Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
