he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
