I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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