I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
