after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'm sobbing to NWA
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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