Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize