dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Randomize
