I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
