I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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