Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I intend to get homeless drunk
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
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