to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
