she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
