is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
God gave him joint rollers for hands
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
NoShamevember. You game?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
