Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
