at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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