ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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