Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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