I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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