The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
