Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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