i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
She's the barista slut.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
