Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
