he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
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