chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
