I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
