Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize