You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
