Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
