I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
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