i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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