It was confusing and full of hummus
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
