I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
