this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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