i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
