Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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