I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
farters have to be the big spoon...
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
