i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
