i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
