everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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