shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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