do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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