Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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