Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
