Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
