I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
