You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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