Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
